The main emotional changes seemed to happen in those first 8 weeks, getting pregnant, finding out I was pregnant and trying to get to grips with the reality alongside the physical changes I was going through. It's certainly been an incredible journey..
Now i've touched down on the emotional side of things it's time to go a little more into how I physically felt and how I went about my day to day life in the trimester that no one warns you about!! The first trimester with the rapid and drastic increase of hormones coursing through your body to support the growth of this tiny little human being really does wreak havok with that body I thought I knew so well, I was lucky that I am one of those lucky few that didn't get morning sickness, however, I was nauseous most of the time and all of a sudden hated all those foods I was so used to having pre pregnancy as part of my healthy, balanced diet that supported me to build and grow muscle and become as fit and as strong as I have been known for...
I HATED ALL OF IT!!! Chicken was to become my arch nemesis, the texture, the taste of dead bird just eugh... But I still begrudgingly ate small amounts of it in the hope i'd be able to claw onto holding onto some of my well earned muscle tissue, I haven't been worried about getting fat but about losing muscle as it seems so hard for me to grow and keep a hold of. I also didn't like my veggies. So for the first trimester eating wise I was trying as much as possible to maintain balance but was mainly getting my calories in through seeded bread and copious amounts of Lurpak for which I think I should have shares in by now!!
I'm used to exercising a lot for both pleasure and my work. I'm no stranger to teaching up to 8 spin classes a week, demonstrating in all of my PT sessions to a degree and training around 5 times a week, Crossfit, Olympic Lifting and I guess bodybuilding type training, depending on my programming at the time. At the time of falling pregnant I had in the last 6 months embraced Crossfit training and was learning and working on all my lifts like snatches and clean and jerk as well as handstand development and gymnastic core work. Then I fell pregnant...
To be honest, not too much changed in my first trimester of pregnancy for training as what I was doing I had been doing for a while and I have been training at an intense level for around 8 years and training overall for 12.. But, I needed to get my study on. As pregnant women, we are wrapped up in cotton wool balls, told to rest, told not to exercise much, to eat whatever we want and just whale up... By old schoolers.. That's not the case. Where you can't start a new intense regime, you can as a seasoned exercise goer carry on as normal with tweaks to ensure the safety of the baby. The real tweaks come in in the second trimester where certain moves and positions become too dangerous for mum and baby or just damn uncomfortable. In the first trimester the main thing is making sure that you don't overdo it and get overheated or breathless, this can cause neural defects in the baby or as I referred to it "cooking the baby".. You just don't wanna do that!!
So through first and second trimesters, I have been still lifting weights, doing most things I did before, squats, deadlifts, cleans and spinning, but at a much lighter weight and a very much less intense level in spin (when I cycle I GO HARD, but not in pregnancy!!) Luckily the way our bodies prepare ourselves for getting toot ready it provides us with it's own safety barriers, progesterone release makes us more sensitive to carbon dioxide meaning we feel breathless at a quicker level that pre pregnancy so that alone will slow you down..
I managed to work out for 20-40 mins a day maybe 3-4 times a week, the rest of the time I rested.. It has been so important for me to listen to my body, you really DO need much more rest!!
After my 8 week scan, I decided to send the pics and video to the dad.. At first his resposne wasn't too bad, he asked if I was ok and then asked questions about the baby... Positive, I thought...
Until the next day where he was to question why I was keeping her, tried to psyche me out and ask me how I could bring a baby into the world knowing the father wouldn't be there and how could I expect to cope on my own financially and without lots of family support.. Argument ensued and I had a huge panic attack, one of many he had led me to.. I was devasted and his words had really hurt me and I did begin to question how I was going to go it alone.. I also decided his attitude was toxic and decided not to bother with him again.
It was with that I decided, no, I couldn't do it alone..... So I would move home to Aberdeen to have my baby!!!! There was no way I would be psyched out of having MY baby, I knew his words were coming from guilt at not being around, he would rather I was in pain of giving up my baby than him having to deal with the guilt of walking away.. Not a chance.
I carried on my merry way, working things out, making plans, I had so much to consider, as I'm self employed I would have to figure out finance, work options, support options, logistics of moving, budgeting to afford all the bits I needed to get for having the baby, how, what, when arrggghhhhhhhh I'm not going to lie, it certainly fried my brain. Especially given that the father of the baby had returned to work and was walking around the gym just acting like nothing was happening, this tore me up inside, how could he be so callous?! Then my Instagram page @singlemammabeartobe leaked onto my facebook that it was me... So it all came out at 8 weeks pregnant that I was indeed pregnant and as the name suggests, would be going it alone!!
It started to trickle out at work and more and more people found out, when some people asked who it was, I told them, I shouldn't have to be ashamed and I wasn't, I wasn't the one acting out of sorts and of course people were mainly shocked that he was just pretending it wasn't happening. This was one of the toughest times for me as he was quite flirty at work.. So here I was, pregnant with his baby, which he was trying to get me to abort, treating me like I was a bitch who was doing something wrong and now I had to watch him flirting away, HELL, just leave?! He didn't have a great deal of a client base so he made more money at the other gym he worked at so I couldn't understand why he was still there. Eventually he had messaged me (as I was about to cave and give up my business because I couldn't handle the stress anymore) and he met up with me and essentially apologised for how he has reacted and told me that he was scared, he still didn't want to be a part of it, but asked me when the next scan was.. I appreciated that, an olive branch felt like I could relax a little bit, however that would be the all communication I would get, as I've come to learn, he will come out and hand me and olive branch and then snatch it away again, refusing to talk to me unless it suits him.. I'm sure a common situation for women in my position.
At this point I still had the support (kind of) from my best friend, I could talk about stuff sometimes but often she just wasn't interested, so much of the time I was going to work and giving all my energy to it and coming home feeling deflated and very alone.
12 weeks pregnant came and I flew home to celebrate my 30th birthday with my little sister, a much needed break from London, a far cry from the 30th birthday bash I had earmarked for Ibiza! Haha...
Now i've touched down on the emotional side of things it's time to go a little more into how I physically felt and how I went about my day to day life in the trimester that no one warns you about!! The first trimester with the rapid and drastic increase of hormones coursing through your body to support the growth of this tiny little human being really does wreak havok with that body I thought I knew so well, I was lucky that I am one of those lucky few that didn't get morning sickness, however, I was nauseous most of the time and all of a sudden hated all those foods I was so used to having pre pregnancy as part of my healthy, balanced diet that supported me to build and grow muscle and become as fit and as strong as I have been known for...
I HATED ALL OF IT!!! Chicken was to become my arch nemesis, the texture, the taste of dead bird just eugh... But I still begrudgingly ate small amounts of it in the hope i'd be able to claw onto holding onto some of my well earned muscle tissue, I haven't been worried about getting fat but about losing muscle as it seems so hard for me to grow and keep a hold of. I also didn't like my veggies. So for the first trimester eating wise I was trying as much as possible to maintain balance but was mainly getting my calories in through seeded bread and copious amounts of Lurpak for which I think I should have shares in by now!!
I'm used to exercising a lot for both pleasure and my work. I'm no stranger to teaching up to 8 spin classes a week, demonstrating in all of my PT sessions to a degree and training around 5 times a week, Crossfit, Olympic Lifting and I guess bodybuilding type training, depending on my programming at the time. At the time of falling pregnant I had in the last 6 months embraced Crossfit training and was learning and working on all my lifts like snatches and clean and jerk as well as handstand development and gymnastic core work. Then I fell pregnant...
To be honest, not too much changed in my first trimester of pregnancy for training as what I was doing I had been doing for a while and I have been training at an intense level for around 8 years and training overall for 12.. But, I needed to get my study on. As pregnant women, we are wrapped up in cotton wool balls, told to rest, told not to exercise much, to eat whatever we want and just whale up... By old schoolers.. That's not the case. Where you can't start a new intense regime, you can as a seasoned exercise goer carry on as normal with tweaks to ensure the safety of the baby. The real tweaks come in in the second trimester where certain moves and positions become too dangerous for mum and baby or just damn uncomfortable. In the first trimester the main thing is making sure that you don't overdo it and get overheated or breathless, this can cause neural defects in the baby or as I referred to it "cooking the baby".. You just don't wanna do that!!
So through first and second trimesters, I have been still lifting weights, doing most things I did before, squats, deadlifts, cleans and spinning, but at a much lighter weight and a very much less intense level in spin (when I cycle I GO HARD, but not in pregnancy!!) Luckily the way our bodies prepare ourselves for getting toot ready it provides us with it's own safety barriers, progesterone release makes us more sensitive to carbon dioxide meaning we feel breathless at a quicker level that pre pregnancy so that alone will slow you down..
I managed to work out for 20-40 mins a day maybe 3-4 times a week, the rest of the time I rested.. It has been so important for me to listen to my body, you really DO need much more rest!!
After my 8 week scan, I decided to send the pics and video to the dad.. At first his resposne wasn't too bad, he asked if I was ok and then asked questions about the baby... Positive, I thought...
Until the next day where he was to question why I was keeping her, tried to psyche me out and ask me how I could bring a baby into the world knowing the father wouldn't be there and how could I expect to cope on my own financially and without lots of family support.. Argument ensued and I had a huge panic attack, one of many he had led me to.. I was devasted and his words had really hurt me and I did begin to question how I was going to go it alone.. I also decided his attitude was toxic and decided not to bother with him again.
It was with that I decided, no, I couldn't do it alone..... So I would move home to Aberdeen to have my baby!!!! There was no way I would be psyched out of having MY baby, I knew his words were coming from guilt at not being around, he would rather I was in pain of giving up my baby than him having to deal with the guilt of walking away.. Not a chance.
I carried on my merry way, working things out, making plans, I had so much to consider, as I'm self employed I would have to figure out finance, work options, support options, logistics of moving, budgeting to afford all the bits I needed to get for having the baby, how, what, when arrggghhhhhhhh I'm not going to lie, it certainly fried my brain. Especially given that the father of the baby had returned to work and was walking around the gym just acting like nothing was happening, this tore me up inside, how could he be so callous?! Then my Instagram page @singlemammabeartobe leaked onto my facebook that it was me... So it all came out at 8 weeks pregnant that I was indeed pregnant and as the name suggests, would be going it alone!!
It started to trickle out at work and more and more people found out, when some people asked who it was, I told them, I shouldn't have to be ashamed and I wasn't, I wasn't the one acting out of sorts and of course people were mainly shocked that he was just pretending it wasn't happening. This was one of the toughest times for me as he was quite flirty at work.. So here I was, pregnant with his baby, which he was trying to get me to abort, treating me like I was a bitch who was doing something wrong and now I had to watch him flirting away, HELL, just leave?! He didn't have a great deal of a client base so he made more money at the other gym he worked at so I couldn't understand why he was still there. Eventually he had messaged me (as I was about to cave and give up my business because I couldn't handle the stress anymore) and he met up with me and essentially apologised for how he has reacted and told me that he was scared, he still didn't want to be a part of it, but asked me when the next scan was.. I appreciated that, an olive branch felt like I could relax a little bit, however that would be the all communication I would get, as I've come to learn, he will come out and hand me and olive branch and then snatch it away again, refusing to talk to me unless it suits him.. I'm sure a common situation for women in my position.
At this point I still had the support (kind of) from my best friend, I could talk about stuff sometimes but often she just wasn't interested, so much of the time I was going to work and giving all my energy to it and coming home feeling deflated and very alone.
12 weeks pregnant came and I flew home to celebrate my 30th birthday with my little sister, a much needed break from London, a far cry from the 30th birthday bash I had earmarked for Ibiza! Haha...
I think home is where it really became apparent how much my hormones were hitting me. I took everything so personally and felt quite alone.
My sister and I fell out the first few days I was back,on and off, sisters yno, but I was still tired.
We attempted to go out for my birthday, it was nice getting dressed up but I was miserable, my feet hurt, they were tiddly and giggly and I was sober, tired and grumpy.. Cue biggest argument and I was going to fly home.
The next day I stayed in bed and rested after crying myself to sleep. I then got up and went to Starbs for my decaf and read a book to chill me out and it worked. The last few days I was home were great, lil sis looked after me and we did little dinners just the 3 of us which was just what I needed.
In flying back to London, I already knew, the slow pace of Aberdeen was what I needed to do for little bean. I wanted to go home, my London time was up. When I got back to London I would have my scan and get to see my little lady and what she actually looked
like.
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