Well hello there!!
I'm not entirely sure how to open here.. I've long promised a blog detailing the journey of my pregnancy journey to just procrastinate, or well, be frankly too busy to put it to the top of my to do list i'm afraid; though it has to be said I do enjoy writing and blogging.. However, it is easy to push aside if it starts to feel a bit of a task when so much else in life seems to be going on..
Like when you fall unexpectedly pregnant for instance, maybe.
I'm going to start with letting you know who I am, my life journey so to speak, to set the scene and then everything else will make sense in taking you through my journey in pregnancy and then how I cope as a new parent and a single one at that. Im hoping that in doing this it will allow me to talk about and process what is going on but also to help any other new mammas or mammas to be that feel they might want something to relate to.
I know that particularly in my very early pregnancy I was Googling my tush off trying to find information, women who had been through the same and I have to say Instagram has helped me massively here! ( @singlemammabeartobe if you want to drop me a follow).
There are many ups and downs that come with pregnancy, add in a few life dramas and stir it in with the hormones and you have quite the cake of OOOHHHMMYYGAWWWDDWHAAARAMMIGONNADOOOOO **Sobs** but its also pretty damn cool too :)
Some of you may know me, some may not, I am Amanda Jayne, most people just call me Amanda. I'm a recently turned dirty 30 who fell pregnant earlier this year to a man (let's use this term loosely given circumstances) that I barely knew but would have at the time considered a new friend.
As I write I am 20 weeks pregnant with my little girl (mainly Little Bean in early days :)) I am excited and nervous and have hit a million ups and downs but carry on working, training and being me daily. I worked out that I was pregnant very early on at around 3 and a half weeks! Crazy times, 'you just know' as they say, it meant that as it was so early on that I spent hours navigating Google trying to check my symptoms and what faint pregnancy tests meant, as I was so early in guessing that it was too early to even test to see if Little Bean was there. I had to work out how to tell the dad, how to tell my family and what the hell I was going to do, living and working on my own in London, is what I do in training safe? And work? Self employed at that!! Like what? So I'm a mum now?.. Yep!! Abortion was never an option. Never.
The father of the baby doesn't want to know and refuses to tell his parents and 3 weeks ago asked for a Paternity Test when I told him, sure you don't have to be physically involved but you are still legally financially responsible for your daughter. He is from Austrailia and also works in the Fitness Industry, not really doing much to dispell the stance that guys that work in the fitness industry tend to be jackasses (I can assure you that a lot are not!!). I have done all that I can to try and get him to thaw and come round, but I won't beg anyone to be in my daughters life; I will raise her just fine and with bucket loads of love at that!!! He as given all the chesnuts, including laughably accusing me of keeping my daughter in order to try and be with him.. **facepalm**
More on that whole shebang later.
As it stands, I don't speak to the dad anymore, I leave him to it, he can regret it later when he misses everything including all the scans I invited him to. Although I am still in turmoil as to whether to notify his family myself, i'm sure they'd want to know about their granddaughter.
Me? I've lost both of my parents, so at the moment no grandparents for my little toot :( I lost my mum only last year. She was my best friend and I am still struggling to come to terms with the fact she is gone. That was the beginning of the nightmare that was 2016, to look back on it was bleak and numbingly painful. I look back on pictures of myself at the time and it looks like a part of me had died with her. It was a rough time and I wish no one that unbearable pain of watching their loved ones die; as it was the second time round as well, it was just a horrible replay of history repeating itself and in all honesty leaves me not loving my hospital trips. We lost my father when I was 15 years old and my sister was 12, equally as painful. he went into ICU at the end of my Standard Grade exams to leave us a few days later. I had to make the decision to turn off his life support as mum found it too difficult. Both parents lost their lives due to battles with alcohol addiction, which is painful to watch and makes for a really hard mental battle.
So Corinne and I have had a bit of a rough ride, my sister lives in Aberdeen, I will be moving back up to be nearer her, she has been very ill the last year so yeah, life has been a challenge to say the least. I'm looking forward to be closer to her so we can do this near each other, however not too close as we have quite fiery fall outs at times haha.
I am a fitness professional that works in Central London rather successfully in Personal Training and Class Instruction. I run my own business, which I have for many years now, 4 and a half years of which have been within Central London you could say i'm pretty lucky! Although it's not really luck but choosing to follow my 'dreams' and do as much as I can to achieve a set of goals and build a business I could be proud of.
I currently am currently a Personal Trainer based in Gymbox Farringdon, an incredible gym that boasts EPIC equipment and is currently the largest training facility across one floor in the UK and a tough place to make your business but damn when you do it is worth the graft!! I teach classes for a lot of gyms, particulrly spin classes which I love and have taught for 8 years now. I have been UK PT Ambassador for Fitness First UK representing them at a national level and writing and contributing to over 100 articles in Magazines such as InStyle, GQ, Womens Fitness, Runners World and The Daily Mail, my own spread was in Fit & Well. I wrote part of the coaching course for the Royal Parks Half Marathon, delivered it, performed on the Warm Up stage then ran it in 1'38... Which I'm sure I could have beat had I not pulled my hamstring 5 miles in (boo) ...
I've also competed in Bikini Figure competitions such as WBFF, UKBFF, Miami Pro and a few others with a highest placing of 3rd and managed to achieve the abs i promised I would get myself before having a baby!! I now enjoy training in Crossfit training, loving being able to combine my love of strength training and my weird love for cardio which is apparently rare...
Why am I outlining my training history?..
Ah it all fits in... SO, first thing you panic about in unexpected pregnancy is that your life is going to change beyond all imagination, as a self employed business owner, well that can be particularly terrifying especially going it alone as how are you going to cope without the maternity leave pay?.. What happens to my business now?...
I want to talk about my fitness and business journey through pregnancy and how I have kept it all going and had to modify as time has gone on to make it work and make sure I stay well for growing my little girly. I want to tell you about my hopes and plans for the future as a mother and as a business woman and fitnut. We don't need to be wrapped up in cotton wool through pregnancy but we certainly need to be sensible as growing a little one is a HUGE task on the body.. So learning to rest is really something new for me haha.
These are all things I plan on writing about in separate blog posts to really go into how I personally have felt, dealt with and not so much dealt with.. I think some of these will really help some others. We all have a different journey, a different set of circumstances and it can be hard to remember at times that many other women are going through the same, often worse; however, it is so important to not downplay your feelings, your importance and how you take your journey. Everyone will have their say and you will have hard times where you realise not everyone is there for you, but you will make new friends and you are currently housing your growing new best friend!!
I know I have jumped around like a little jumping bean a bit on this first installment but I just wanted to provide a very brief outline on all the things that have influenced my life and in turn my pregnancy. It all adds up to me being me. I will talk about the tumultuous last 2 years of my life, that I have successfully survived and thrived through, the loss of my parents in particular my mum and the councelling that I undertook to try and make sense of it; how much it hurts to be pregnant and not be able to share it with them, see their excitement or benefit from their support like many others have.
How it feels going it alone without a partner being there and how I've had a tendency since losing my mum to fall for dickhead narcissists which is why I find it will be better to be alone until this changes.
But i will also talk about the cool stuff, like BEING PREGNANT!! Fitness and lifestyle in pregnancy!! Developing my business and plans for the future.. The cool stuff that comes with going it alone (it feels pretty satisfying getting your nest together without 'daddy' there to help you ESPECIALLY when he tells you you can't do it; I am stubborn and driven that only serves to motivate me) and hitting each milestone, knowing i've created a special someone who never lets me be alone and that I love so much without having even met her yet.
It's important for me to show you the hard parts as well as the good parts, I'm fed up of the positivity police, just because I hurt sometimes and some things SUCK and I don't hide it, doesn't make me negative. It's ok to hurt and healthy to feel hurt, but important not to dwell there, I am grateful for the cards I am dealt and will always strive to make the best of everything, I am not a victim :)
Anyway, I've probably made this hella confusing, but it will make sense as the posts go on. I will start from the beginning and to start with group the weeks to get through quicker and then anything anyone wants me to expand on I will. Then I plan to keep on blogging as I go through the rest of my journey.
Glad to have you along for the ride :)
Amanda Jayne x
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